I seem to have a desire to continue a theme…
As fate would have it after my hubby met his man-fan last week I had the interesting opportunity to have my own lesbian moment yesterday.
At work I was serving a long line of customers.
A nice, young lady walked up to the counter and…
well it went a little something like this:
Me: Hi! Having a lovely day? What can I get you?
Her:______________________________ (the blank space is intentional…imagine lady staring at me…right in the eyes…mouth slightly ajar and full-on-silence.)
Me: _____________________________ (the blank space is intentional…imagine me suppressing urge to check for spinach in my teeth, bra strap showing, wondering if I was wearing my Cougar T-shirt or if I’d forgotten to wash of the texta across my forehead that read *check-me-out-I’m-curious-today*)
Her:________________________________(the blank space is intentional…yep she’s still just looking at me…. I know this sounds terribly-egotistical but she is freakin’ completely hypnotized!!!!!)
Me: (suppressing urge to whistle my way through very awkward moment of silence) Sooooo…do you think you’d like a hot drink or a cold drink?
Her: I wa, wa, I wan, I want *giggle* a latte.
Me: OH-Kay then one… latte.
Her: Sorry…I don’t know what came over me.
Me: S’ok it’s the best offer I’ve had all day!
Staff: Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Regular Customers: chortle/snap/laugh/snort.
Of course had we both been gay this would have been a magical moment. One of those love at first sight thingys you’d read about in a lesbo mag like…
Hang on a sec…
Like in Curve Magazine (Thank you Bing.)
But although I have no problem admiring beautiful women or even answering the “who’d you turn gay for question” I’m pretty sure that I am not a lesbian.
But I was spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about lesbians…
and that was beginning to feel weird.
So I thought that I’d try taking my mind of them by popping onto the iphone for a quick Twitter-lation.
But what do I see there?
Oh yeah, I have a new follower-
@ct lesbians
Well this didn’t take my mind of lesbians at all. It actually got me thinking more and more about them.
Is it possible that I am giving off some special girl-on-girl-action-vibes today?
I show my husband my new follower and he leans in for a nice-long-close-look. I whisk my phone away before drool short-circuits the hard drive.
“What do you think?” I say.
“I need a shower.” he says.
And this reminds me that most heterosexual men have amazing-hot-lesbian-fantasies.
Why is that?
I know the fantasies mostly consist of the man- and at least two (or preferably more) luscious-lipstick- lesbians (the long blonde hair types- not usually the brunette short-spiky-hair types), who will put on a very lovely-lesbian-nurse-meets-lesbian-nurse-action-show for him- and then when they are done with each other they somehow, (not surprisingly as this is fantasy-land) still have enough energy to cater to his… every whim.
Thing is,
and I could be wrong,
having no personal experience…..
but I’m pretty sure lesbians don’t like dick.
Of course there is always bi-sexual women.
Hmmm? Bi-sexual sex.
If I’m giving off I’ve-got-boobs-and-I-want-your-boobs vibes then maybe it’s something I should think about?
I decide the only safe way I can work this out is if I have a good trawl through @ctlesbians twitter page.
I fire up the laptop….open up Cape Town Lesbians and start reading their tweets…
Okay…so far so good…
nice little rant about Jan Moir, very current- of the moment, little bit more of Gately’s funeral… sad stuff… but still pretty interesting…and yeah the avatar is kinda hot….so I keep on reading….then there’s some awful-can’t-believe-it-stuff about death penalty for homosexuals in Uganda WTF???…and moving right along there is a call to go to anti-hate crime rallies (hey tell me the address and I’ll be there!)…but bugger… it’s in the UK…oh hang on a sec- yep- here’s one a bit closer to home….Australian’s to march for same-sex marriage rights on November 28…and, oh look a Retweet from Elton John….cute….a message to his sixteen year old self…and…. then….there is…..
oh my gawd an absolute horror!
In the form of
a simple,
innocent looking
hashtag.
#muffmunchmonday
And yes folks,
that pretty much decided it,
there and then.
Unequivocally.
Without a doubt.
I am not a lesbian.
.
Click here for info on the Australian Nov 28 2009 same sex marriage rallies.