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walk away

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. – Mary Schmich

 

21st November 2009,
Melbourne
 
 
Dear Dad,
 
Well it’s been ages since we spoke.
More than ages really … ages can be mere days when you are newly in love, or for most ages is weeks, or possibly even a month or two. But this ages has been over two years. And, yes I agree the time has just flown.
We’ve had our moments of silence before. Often in fact. But this time seems quite final. It seems to be over.
It’s not you who has changed. This time. It is me.
 
With age comes wisdom…well, that is something you always taught me, but I’m not sure if you ever realised that it might not work to your advantage. One day. 
For before when we’ve disagreed, which is polite talk for arguments of contempt and misunderstanding, I’ve been disconsolate and heartbroken and longed for you to remember the little girl who sought your attention.
And wanted your praise. And wanted your acceptance.
 
But this last time was an insult. You handed me a long draught of bitter pride.
Yes, for sure, it was just the same old arguments, tired rehashes of miscommunication.
But there was a difference apparent.
I am now a grown woman, with children of my own and a life of my own and failures of my own and successes of my own.
And a mind of my own.
 
And there is the difference.

It’s not you who has changed. This time. It is me.
 
So I look at you and see the man who was my father. Who provided me with a decent childhood. And all the comforts one could afford.
And I see the little boy who was raised motherless. Orphaned by his own father for convenience.
And I see a person of infinite pride. Stubborn and consumed.
 
So I am finished with the tears and the tantrums and the rage. I’m far too old for it all.
 
You were always good at teaching me, but I know now that you never accepted the lessons for yourself.
Yes, you were right, with age comes wisdom.

But it’s not always the wisdom of knowing when to keep one’s mouth shut.

And it’s not always the wisdom of forgive and forget.
 
 
 
Sometimes it’s the wisdom of simply knowing,
when someone is never going to change.
Of when enough is enough.
And,
of when to just walk away.
 
Your daughter,
Carla

One Response to “walk away”

  1. Quadelle says:

    Oh, I am heavy hearted. I wish it could be different between you and your Dad. For both your sakes.

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